Gospel-Empowered Parenting versus Fear-Based Parenting
By · CommentsIt is either the height of arrogance or stupidity to talk about parenting, particularly when the verdict is still out on my own children. Nevertheless, the Bible has something to say about parents and parenting, and being both a parent and a pastor, I am obliged to shepherd my family and congregation in biblical, gospel-empowered parenting. Consequently, I will be writing a series of posts based on my message from Hosea 11, on the Father’s love for His son.
Two Assumptions
1. I am sinful and parenting is humbling and humiliating.
2. God is sovereign, and He uses means to accomplish all His holy will. The two parts of this assumption must be held in tandem and in tension. William Farley helpfully reminds us that as parents we are one such means, even the primary means which God uses to reach our children with the gospel.
The depth of the Father’s love is displayed in His continuous care, provision, protection and instruction of His son (Hosea 11:1-4).
In Hosea 11, we have an intrusion of the Father/Son image in the midst of a prophesy that is about Husband and Wife. In Hosea 11, God is unmasked emotionally as He recalls His love for Israel, His son, during their infancy. The Father taught Israel to walk (11:3); He led them with much kindness and compassion, even bending down to feed them (11:4). What condescension on the Father’s part.
One Principle for Parents
As a matter of practice it is wiser to positively engage, encourage and instruct our children than to continually threaten and constrain our children.
Lest I be accused of denying a place for discipline, please know that I will address discipline in a later post.
What I mean here is that the primary flow of the river of our parenting should be positive instruction (Deuteronomy 6:4-15; Psalm 78:1-8; Ephesians 6:4). We are to positively engage our children, catechizing them, loving them, encouraging them, building relationships with them that express the unconditional love of the Father.
William Farley, in his helpful book titled, Gospel-Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting, warns of the dangers of “defensive,” “fear-based” parenting.
Dr. Tim Kimmel calls it ‘fear-based’ parenting. Either we can focus on preparing our children to enter the world and conquer it, or we can concentrate on protecting our children from the world. A defensive mind-set worries about the evil influences of Halloween, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or non-Christians on the Little League team. Although parenting always involves some protection, this should not be the main focus for biblical parents. Often this defensive mentality is the fruit of legalism (23).
(An) example is a pastor friend who has five grown children. Only one is following Christ today. What went wrong? A man who knew him well described his parenting this way: No TV, no movies, no public education, no non-Christian friends. In other words, his focus was defensive, protecting his children (23-24).
This defensive, fear-based, over-protective approach to parenting exasperates children. Farley also brings forth an important indictment against fear-based parenting:
Defensive parents have little confidence in the attractiveness (and power) of the gospel. They think the world is more powerful (than the gospel) (25).
Ouch! That hurts because the truth of that statement pierces my own heart.
One Lesson
One lesson I learned from listening to an interview on parenting with C. J. Mahaney was to ask my children if I was more of an encourager to them or more of a critic. Ouch, again! It is helpful to know if our children view us as for them or against them.
What shall we do?
We must confess that we are not perfect parents - we have failed often and miserably!
First, as Farley reminds us, know that if we were perfect parents, then our children would not need Christ.
Second, know that if we were perfect parents, then we would not need Christ.
Embracing the good news of the gospel begins with uncovering my sin, my failures and looks to the perfect Father who sent the perfect Son to live the life that pleases the Father and who received the punishment that we deserved.
Therefore, confess your sins: to the Father, to your family, your children as/when appropriate. Let them see your need for Christ and point them to Christ in their sin and failures.
Build relationships with your children on the unconditional love of the gospel of the Father so that our children will not think that our love for them is conditioned on their performance.
Spend much time on positive instruction: catechizing, reading together, doing life together in light of the gospel.
Be your child’s/children’s encourager. At our house, we (mom and dad) continually tell our children that we are their number one fans. It’s corny; we laugh; they get embarrassed. But we want them to know that we are for them, not against them.
Finally, regardless of what kind of father you may or may not have had, remember that God is the perfect Father, and that His love is unconditional. He loves us because He chooses to love us, not because of anything in us or because of our performance. He loves us in Christ, and nothing will ever sever that love He has for us in Christ (Romans 8:29ff).
Our identity is in Christ who brings us to the Father, not in our pedigree or our genealogy. We are our Father’s sons and daughters through faith in Christ, the perfect Son (cf. Matthew 2:15). Praise be to God!
What is the Gospel?
By · CommentsMuch confusion exists today over just exactly what the gospel is. In an effort to clarify the gospel some begin with a via negativa, highlighting what the gospel is not. This is helpful, of course, but we cannot stop there. There are several places in Scripture where the gospel is briefly summarized, and 1 Corinthians 15:1-4, is one of those places. There the apostle Paul reminds us:
The gospel is the revelation of God’s plan to reconcile sinners to Himself (1 Corinthians 15:3). This saving plan was prophesied long ago (1 Peter 1:10-12), revealed to the New Testament apostles and prophets (Ephesians 2:20) and inscripturated for our sake under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit (2 Peter 1:16-21). In other words, the gospel is not a man-made message (Galatians 1:11-2:11) but a divine revelation received (1 Corinthians 15:3).
The gospel is about Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 15:3-4). This saving plan that was revealed to the Old Testament prophets and New Testament apostles and prophets concerns Jesus Christ (Romans 1:1-4). God reconciles all things to Himself through Jesus Christ (Colossians 1:19-21). Consequently, the Father sent Jesus at the appropriate time in history to face the “hour” of His death on the cross for us (John 12:23-28; 17:1). In this sense we may also say that the gospel is an unrepeatable event in history.
Thus, the heart of the gospel is the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ, for this historical event was the plan which has now been revealed (1 Corinthians 15:3-4).
1. Jesus Christ died as a propitiatory sacrifice for sin (1 Corinthians 15:3; Hebrews 2:14-17). We are sinners born in sin who owe a debt too large to pay (Romans 6:23). Thus, the gospel is not a message of what we must do to redeem ourselves-that’s religion. The gospel is the message that only Jesus can cancel the debt of sin that we owe (Colossians 2:13-14; cf. 2 Corinthians 5:21). This penal-substitutionary death was according to the Scriptures (Isaiah 53:4-5).
2. Jesus Christ was buried. The point here is that contrary to Greek philosophical ideas that Jesus only appeared to die, He really died, for He really was buried (cf. Isaiah 53:9).
3. Jesus Christ was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures (1 Corinthians 15:4; see also Acts 2:23-32). Without the resurrection there is no gospel, no good news. Without the resurrection we are still in our sins (1 Corinthians 15:12-18).
What are we to do with this gospel?
1. We are to receive it by faith (1 Corinthians 15:1-2; Mark 1:14-15).
2. We are to remain in it by faith (1 Corinthians 15:1-2), for the gospel is that on which Christians stand. In other words, we will never outgrow the gospel.
3. We are to proclaim this gospel, for it is the only hope of salvation to the world (1 Corinthians 15:1, 3). This is the gospel priority (1 Corinthians 15:3). It was Jesus’ priority (Luke 4:18, 42-44); it was Paul’s priority (Acts 20:24; 1 Corinthians 1:17; 9:23); it should be our priority (Mark 16:15; Luke 24:44-47).
Chile Quake Response
By · Comments
On February 27, Chile was hit by an 8.8 magnitude earthquake that killed hundreds of people. Today, March 11, two more strong earthquakes registering 5.1 magnitude and 7.2 magnitude shook central Chile.
The International Mission Board of the Southern Baptist Convention is involved in the relief effort. To find out how you can help by giving, praying, going, you can get more information from the IMB website or click on the Chile Quake Response button above.
Divisions in the Church and God’s Purposes, part 3
By · CommentsDivisions sometimes serve to expose sinning Christians. Those in sin may go to extreme lengths to keep their sin hidden, including attacking others’ sins. Those who persist in sin love their sin more than the church, so they will despise the church of God.
What can a church do to address and possibly minimize such divisions in order to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace?
1. Maintain ongoing discipleship conversations with one another (Ephesians 4:20-32). At High Pointe, this happens primarily through our small groups and one to one meetings. One helpful resource:
Fight Clubs by Jonathan Dodson
2. Practice church discipline (Matthew 18:15-20; 1 Corinthians 5). Perhaps the best resource I have found for understanding the nature and necessity of church discipline, as well as the nuts and bolts is The Transforming Community by Mark Lauterbach.
3. Hold your leaders accountable (1 Timothy 5:19-21). I am convinced that the elders in Ephesus were the problem (see 1 Timothy). As the leadership goes, so goes the church.
See previous posts in this series: Do You Despise the Church?, Divisions and God’s Purposes part 1, part 2
Divisions in the Church and God’s Purposes, part 2
By · CommentsDivisions sometimes serve to expose immature Christians. Spiritual immaturity is evident throughout 1 Corinthians (see 1:10-11). Often times spiritual immaturity is linked with doctrinal error. One example of spiritual immaturity and doctrinal error is the place of spiritual gifts in the Corinthians church (see 1 Corinthians 12-14).
Spiritual immaturity manifests itself in a variety of ways:
1. Perhaps the biggest manifestation is that the spiritually immature make the greatest demands. Ironically, those who make the greatest demands tend to be those who think of themselves as most spiritual (this was the problem in Corinth). Generally, the spiritually immature make great demands (read - throw tantrums) based on their personal preferences: i.e., music, programs, non-essentials.
2. The method: the spiritually immature go from person to person trying to get others to agree with them. On the way, they criticize those who don’t see things their way (gossip, slander, etc.). If the leaders don’t agree with them, then they will “pick up their marbles and go play somewhere else.”
3. Spiritually immature people love their opinions more than they do the church, so they despise the church that disagrees with them.
What can a church do to address and possibly minimize such divisions in order to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace?
1. Keep the main thing the main thing: i.e., the gospel! Let the gospel be the hill on which will live and die. Let the gospel be the means by which growth in grace takes place.
2. Identify the beliefs that characterize your fellowship and communicate those clearly in your membership process: i.e., baptism, Lord’s Supper, church order, etc.
3. Permit Christian liberty on non-essentials - charity beliefs (Romans 14:1-18). This is where many churches get into legalistic problems. If you hold ALL doctrines at the same level (deity of Christ = millennial views), then you will breed division.
See previous posts in this series: Do You Despise the Church?, Divisions part one
Divisions in the Church and God’s Purposes
By · CommentsThough division distorts the gospel and the nature of the church, Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 11:19, that in God’s providence divisions serve God’s ultimate purpose to glorify Himself by gathering and revealing a multi-ethnic assembly that is united through Christ and serves under Christ’s headship. Of course, the question is how do divisions serve God’s ultimate purpose for His glory and His church?
Divisions sometimes serve to expose false Christians. Jesus Himself did not come to bring peace, “but rather division” (Luke 12:51). In fact, the gospel itself divides Christian from non-Christian, “for the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God” (1 Corinthians 1:18, ESV). Consequently, when gospel preaching is taking place, false Christians in the church who are hostile to the gospel will be exposed. Hostility to Christ and His gospel manifests itself in a variety of ways:
1. False Christians may cause divisions, embroil the church in arguments and even make false accusations (this is Satan’s work, after all).
2. False Christians may simply leave a church when they don’t get their way (1 John 2:19).
3. Ultimately, false Christians love themselves more than God and the church, so they will eventually despise the church unless God changes their heart.
What can a church do to address, prepare for and possibly minimize such divisions in order to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace?
1. Consider a membership process - seek to gather a regenerate church. This wold be a lengthy discussion, but the folks at 9 Marks have thought about this a lot! Also, here are some resources that may be helfpul:
What is a Healthy Church? by Mark Dever
What is a Healthy Church Member? by Thabiti Anyabwile
The Deliberate Church by Mark Dever and Paul Alexander
*This is a very helpful book to help you think through the nuts and bolts of establishing a membership process.
2. Consider deliberate pastoral care - how are you presently caring for the flock of God? Take deliberate steps to know how to care for the people of God under your care if you are a shepherd. If you are a sheep, then read Thabiti’s book on being a healthy church member.
See previous post: Do You Despise the Church?
Do You Despise the Church of God?
By · CommentsChurches are a mess today and both believer and unbeliever alike are disillusioned with the church. Many believers argue, fuss and fight over what the church is to be and do, while unbelievers are fed up with the hypocrisy of the church and the apparent divisions among Christians.
With all this confusion and conflict you can’t blame people for a low view of church and ultimately abandoning the church. If all church people do is fight with one another, why would anyone want to be a part of that?
That is precisely the question I hope to address in the next several blogs on divisions in the church. My thesis is pretty straight forward - It is true that divisions in a church distort the nature of the church and the gospel; yet, it is also true that divisions serve God’s purpose to gather and reveal a multi-ethnic assembly which is united through Christ, under Christ’s headship (1 Corinthians 11:19).
Divisions distort the gospel and the nature of the church of God (1 Corinthians 11:2, 16-18). God displays His manifold wisdom to the entire universe (including heaven and hell) in the church through His saving plan (Ephesians 3:8-12). In the church, those who were formerly divided are brought together through Christ (Ephesians 2:11-22).
Since this is the case, God’s manifold wisdom in the church can only be displayed through visible, local assemblies which gather together as male/female, Jew/Gentile, Slave/Free (Galatians 3:23-39). When visible, local assemblies are divided, that division distorts the gospel, the church and makes God out to be a fool (1 Corinthians 11:17-22).
Because division distorts the gospel and the church there is strong language warning those who may be tempted to distort and/or despise the church of God (1 Corinthians 3:16-17).
Because division distorts the gospel and the church we are commanded to be “eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:3). For, “there is one body and one Spirit-just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call-one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all” (Ephesians 4:4-6).
May the Lord grant us grace to display His wisdom through multi-ethnic assemblies that visibly display how Christ has brought enemies together into one.
In Remembrance of Me
By · CommentsWhenever we have out of state guests, we try to go to San Antonio in order to show them the Alamo. Perhaps the best know phrase regarding the history of this fort is, “Remember the Alamo.” The fort sits today in the midst of a concrete jungle as a commemoration of that historic battle and in memory of those who fought and died there.
Today, we have learned to say, “Remember 9/11.” As a dark moment in our nation’s history, we don’t remember 9/11 in order to drudge up memories of that terrible event. Instead, we remember 9/11 in commemoration of those who lost lives and family members.
According to the New World Dictionary, to commemorate means “to preserve or honor the memory of.” As Christians, when we observe the Lord’s Supper we commemorate Christ; we remember and honor His name and His sacrifice for sin. The supper is a remembering of a specific event in the life of Christ. We preserve the memory of Christ and honor his name by remembering and reflecting upon what the bread and the fruit of the vine signify. Michael Green reminds us that every time we observe the Lord’s Supper we do so in remembrance of Him as . . .
We look up in adoration. Whenever we eat the Lord’s Supper we remember God’s mercy and grace as the loving Father sent His beloved Son to die on the cross for sin.
We look back in commemoration. Whenever we eat the Lord’s Supper we remember that Christ came into this world to save sinners. He lived a life without sin, yet He was rejected by His own, beaten and ultimately killed for our sake. Through His death, Jesus paid the penalty for sin and liberated those who trust in Him from the bondage of sin.
We look forward in anticipation. Whenever we eat the Lord’s Supper we are eating and drinking in anticipation of the great marriage supper of the Lamb, at which a place has been reserved for all those who belong to Christ’s family.
We look outward in proclamation. Whenever we eat the Lord’s Supper our actions proclaim the Lord’s death until He comes.
We look inward in examination. Whenever we eat the Lord’s Supper we reflect upon our own lives, asking the Holy Spirit of God to expose our own sins, so that we might come into the presence of Christ with clean hands and pure hearts.
We look around in consideration. Whenever we eat the Lord’s Supper we are forced to look around at our brothers and sisters in Christ being reminded that we are sitting at the table as a family.
Next time you participate in the Lord’s Supper, I encourage you to examine your hearts as you sit together at the Lord’s table with God’s people in remembrance of Him.
Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!
By · CommentsWe are not accustomed to snow in Austin, Texas, but today the Lord has covered our grounds with much snow. We cut staff meeting short and are heading down for a staff snowball fight!
If you are in the Austin area - ENJOY!
More fun in the snow!
Gospel-Empowered Parenting and Rebellion
By Juan Sanchez · Comments (0)In spite of the unconditional love of the Father, Israel rebelled (Hosea 11:2).
It is quite an amazing fact that the perfect Father has rebellious children. The more the Father loved Israel, the more Israel rebelled (Hosea 11:2; Deuteronomy 1:26-33).
Though the Father led in love and delivered Israel from Slavery (Hosea 11:1), Israel forgot that it was God who had healed him (Hosea 11:4; cf. Exodus 15:25-26).
The child, Israel, was bent on turning away from the Father (Hosea 11:7).
We are the rebellious children who deserve judgment and need a savior (Ephesians 2:1-3).
We dare not judge Israel for their rebellion in the face of God’s unconditional love. We too are born rebels, hostile in mind and engaged in evil deeds against the Father (Colossians 1:21). And yet, the loving Father has reconciled us to Himself through the sacrifice of the perfect Son (Colossians 1:22).
Like their parents, our children are born rebels who need a savior.
We begin our parenting journey with the assumption that our children are born rebels, just as we were born rebels.  What our children need is a savior, and we are not it!
What if you have rebellious children?
1. First and foremost, trust Christ. One lesson I learned from listening to Carolyn Mahaney in a parenting interview was how she had wished she had parented with more faith-faith in Christ, not children.
Do we really believe the gospel and the power of the gospel to save and transform, or do we believe more in the power of the world to corrupt and conform? We must continually depend upon Christ during every phase of our parenting journey. Children are born rebels; they need Christ. We must trust the very Christ that used the very gospel to change our rebellious hearts.
2. Secondly, we are to pray, pray, pray! Let us pray for our children throughout the entirety of their lives for their salvation and service to Christ. Let us pray for their future spouses and children. Let us trust Christ and evidence this trust by turning to the Father in prayer.
3. Thirdly, we must point them to Christ continually. It is Christ they need; therefore, let us keep pointing them to the savior - the perfect Son who obeyed the Father and paid the penalty for sin.
One helpful resource is Abraham Piper’s 12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child. In this post, Abraham, who was once a wayward son himself, counsels parents of wayward children how to pursue them in love.
4. Fourthly, reach out to your child and their friends. Continue to display the unconditional love of the Father who calls His wayward son home repeatedly.
5. Finally, if you have younger children who live at home, then pursue biblical discipline. If you want to ensure your child remains a rebel, then give him/her absolutely everything he/she wants. We must parent with the gospel in mind, reminding our children of the good news of the gospel, positively instructing them in the gospel, but also warning them of impending judgment (discipline - more on this in our next post).
See the first post in this series: Gospel-Empowered Parenting versus Fear-Based Parenting.